Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ambien. No doubt about it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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