My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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