I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
