I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
this just has baby written all over it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
