Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
