Can i not drive my cunt home
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
