Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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