is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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