She said her name was "party"
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
