Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I want her autograph on my taint
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
