I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
