You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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