I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
