please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
