I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
