I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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