I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
