Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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