she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just cropdusted the office
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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