just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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