He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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