erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
