Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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