I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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