i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize
