This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
