under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
