Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
