you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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