You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
