Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
