we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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