I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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