Whod you bang
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
