So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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