She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
