i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
