Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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