piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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