i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
