dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
