They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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