Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
