You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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