Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
