Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
