they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i love accidental penises.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
