Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
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