My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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