I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
